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>>My son has some mental health issues (depression, ADHD, ODD).  When he is escalated and irrational, what kind of techniques should I use to calm him down?
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>Ladybug, Sorry for the delay in our response. I will serve as moderator for the time being, and have a few ideas that may be helpful (if you still have access to the forum). 
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>Without intimate knowledge of you or your son's exact circumstances, there are a few general things that you can consider:
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>-- First, you will want to watch that those mirror neurons of YOURS don't start causing YOU to escalate with him - when WE start to escalate with someone, it only makes the situation worse in that the other person will continue to escalate. Remember your own DEEP BREATHING.
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>-- When someone escalates their behavior due to a mental disorder (and frankly, normal "irrational" escalations we all suffer from time to time), it can be impossible to "rationalize" with them with typical instructions or rational points (e.g., "just calm down," "you're misinterpreting me," etc.). 
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>-- An important first consideration is their and others' safety (depending on the extent of escalation). In other words, ensuring that they are not going to harm themselves or others through sudden violent acts (throwing dangerous objects, hitting, biting, etc.). 
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>-- Assuming that this is not happening, the ACTIVE LISTENING set of tools can be helpful as it can help "take the wind out of their sails" some. In other words, saying "I can see you're REALLY mad" (or frustrated or whatever emotion you think your son might be feeling at the time) takes away one possible reason for continuing the escalation (trying to get someone to notice or trying to validate what he is feeling). 
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>-- You can then try following this with PROMPTING (first focused on reducing his physical arousal - "Just breathe/take a deep breath [name]" in a calm manner] then inviting him to "tell me more about what's making you mad."] This can take some time while he continues to vent at first before he can hear or respond to you. 
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>-- Assuming he is safe during this time, your active listening and gentle prompting and (if appropriate) maybe a calming touch on the shoulder, just being present with him may help him to begin to calm to a state where you can then begin the active listening, prompting, problem-solving and more.

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